Young Man; Work in Progress

I am for sure, a very young yet mature teenager. I have experienced things that not even some adults have had to hassle with. In time though, there is still a lot that I need to learn in life. I do need to learn that not everyone that you ‘count on’ will always be there for you, nor you them. People come and go - people change. But it’s always the good-times that you have to stand by and remember. I always have a hard time forgetting my pasts. Be it; relationships, experiences, hurt, happiness, etc. I know that the past is the past and the present is the present, but sometimes you always need to hold on to your past just to learn what you need to look for in the future. Life isn’t planned out. Life doesn’t have any rulebook or any guidelines. There is no itinerary for it. Life is just…. Life. One day at a time, step by step.

I am a knowledgeable  16 year-old who knows what he wants to do in life, where he wants to go, how he wants his family to be… Though, you just can’t always plan it out - it’s not always going to happen the way you may have it planned in your head. You may be so inevitably set to do something, but it’s not always going to turn out the way you plan. I’ve barley had time to live as a teenager, and I’ve spent most of my teenage years living as a grown adult. I don’t know what it’s like to truly experience the whole “teenage” phase. I’m very hardworking, maybe too hardworking. I got a job before I was even of legal age to work - simply because I wanted to be apart of the “adult” world and do what the adults do. I’ve held on to the same job for a year now, even though it is very easy to just go and get a better job. You have to start low to finish high.

Not everyone knows what they want to be when they grow up. That’s okay! You have lots of years to go before you start realizing what you really want to do with your life; if you don’t find out by then, then you are just lazy. I’ve always been the kind to never give up, never back down, and always stand up for what I feel is right. That’s how it should be though. No one in life should have to sit there and get pushed around by someone without standing up for themselves. You know, I want to be a Journalist when I grow up, and people always tell me that it doesn’t pay good money. First, I don’t care about the money. Second, I’m not going to work a job I hate to work just so I can get paid good money. And third, I could someday be a famous Journalist and make “bank” (it’s nice to dream.) Then again, what is good money? Good money to you could be something totally different to someone else - someone who actually lives in the real world, and has to really work for their money.

What I’m kind of trying to get at here is, people have a set life for themselves, but they shouldn’t. If you set your life up, and it doesn’t turn out the way you plan, then you are disappointed - leading an unhappy life in the end. I no longer have a “set” plan, but I have a set goal. I have a set goal to graduate school, go to college, and study to take the initiative steps into becoming a Journalist. I’m a young man; work in progress.

Love.

Why is it, that after all of these months - I try to hate someone so much, so deeply, that in the end… I still love the person…? You know, people do wrong in their lives. They tell lies, they cheat, they steal. You always know though - you always know when a person really truly loves you. I was always too scared to love, too scared to trust, too scared to commit to something. Not this time though, this time I was taught all of that, and much much more. Someone once wrote to me in a letter, “Don’t forget the things that I have tried to teach you. Don’t forget that love truly is the key to life. Let love be the song of your heart. Don’t forget to forgive people, especially those that you love. No one is perfect and we all need a littlehelp from time to time. Don’t judge people before you get to know them. If you do you might have just missed the chance to get to know someone great. Even if you think you know them, truly get to know them. Smile. Smile even on those days when it seems hard to. Just remember that you are loved and the future you have before you is going to be great. Don’t complain about little petty things. Enjoy that you have another day to be alive, even when those days are tough. Pray Kyle.. Pray pray pray. Someone’s listening. I promise. Most of all, live life Kyle. Live it and love it for whatever it is to you and the things you get to do in it. You never know when it might be over.” (I’m sure this person knows who they are.) I was taught so much about myself and others in just 9 months. I started looking at the world differently, I started to become happier as a person and as a whole.

What I’m getting at though is, no one in this world is perfect. Love is never perfect. Life is not perfect. You’re not perfect. But, there is always someone perfect for each other and it is inevitable that they are meant to be. You have to role with the punches and see where life takes you. It’s a journey - a journey that will never end. I know this blog was kind of pointless, but I just had to let some things out; even though I didn’t let everything I wanted to, out.

The Thoughts and Everything In Between

Where have I been for the past two weeks with this whole “blogging experience”? I’ve been away. I’ve been away thinking. I’ve had all the time in the world to write a blog, but it has been too hard to write one with so much on my mind, and to find the right things to say. I will start with - Oregon. I moved to Oregon about two (2) weeks ago. I got a job my first full day here. You know, Oregon is a beautiful place, but not a place that I see myself living in. I feel so trapped here. I feel like I’m in a cage just waiting to be let out and free from it all. I feel like it’s a privilege. I don’t like knowing that I can’t just call up one of my friends and go over and hangout. I don’t feel like I belong here, I fell like no one likes me here. I walk into a store, and all eyes are on me. Does Vegas have a scent? Because if it does, then people know how to smell it out from a mile away. When I lived in Vegas, I felt comfortable and a lot more confident. Living here, I feel like walking with my head down in shame. I keep living in la-la land, thinking that this is just a Summer vacation and that I will be back home in Vegas pretty soon. I sit at home everyday feeling like a shameless bum because I have nothing better to do than sit on the computer. Now, I will begin with Vegas. I had some friends in Vegas. I had some ‘close’ friends that didn’t say goodbye to me before I left. Honestly, I could care less anymore because I am done with them and I don’t need them in my life whatsoever. I bent over backwards for them, and I get treated like shit because of it. I’m too much of a good person to be treated like that. 9 years and 5 years both down the drain. This now leads to Ignorance. I’m not a preacher, nor will I ever be; but if one thing bothers me the most, it’s ignorance. What country do we live in? The UNITED States of America… Why do I feel like we’re not all “United”? It’s because we’re not. Everyone stands their different grounds in this country. For example, gay rights. There are many gay people fighting in our war right now for our country. Though, why should they fight for our country when people don’t ‘approve’ of homosexuality? It’s ignorance. Black people. Why do a lot of black people think that they are better and that they can do whatever? It’s because they find themselves more “intimidating” and “threatening” - That’s why I don’t take it anymore. Rich People. What makes you think you’re better than everyone else? The only thing that is remotely “better” about yourself is that you have more money. IGNORANCE. I’ve learned that living in Oregon, there is a lot of ignorance floating around here. I don’t appreciate it at all. It’s pretty sad when people are too scared to go out of their own house to a grocery store because they have to fear getting called profound names. People have to start realizing that not everything and everyone is perfect in this world - neither are themselves. Just because you were brought up “Old-Fashion” doesn’t mean that you have to stay that way because to you, it’s “right.” Be rebellious for Christ-sakes! But let me just say, we won’t stop fighting. We never will stop fighting. And the sad truth is, that in America, fighting is the answer to receive peace. So to you, who disagree on what I am saying - that’s fine, you’re entitled to your opinions. But, opinions then lead to respect; so, respect my decision on what I have to say. I am a 16 year old teenager - not your next president.

The Game

You play the game so well; I play it better. Sorry to tell you, but I already know the cheat codes to the game you play. I can follow your footsteps, lie and cheat just as well as you to win. The game has a lot of twists and turns and secrets, but sooner or later you get used to it and figure out how to maneuver yourself around to get to the end. I’ve done that; I’ve maneuvered, and I’ve learned, and I’ve figured it out… I’ve played the game many times before as well. There’s always a point to the game, always a prize; even if it’s just the wonderful feeling of you winning. There’s always obstacles in the game, but you learn to avoid them. You’re an obstacle right now, and I’m doing a damn good job at avoiding you. There are pieces to the game, and I chose my piece wisely. There are sometimes cards to the game - I live in Vegas, I know how to call a bluff. There are sometimes dice, you just have to take the chance. There’s sometimes a board to the game - A sturdy platform to support your game piece. There’s always an easy way out in a game, but sometimes you just have to take the long route. The game can be a very complex thing, but only if you don’t know how to play. Learn the game or it will learn you. 

The Time is Almost Near

That’s right, there are exactly 20 more days that I have left in Las Vegas, Nevada; my home. It’s going to be a major change moving from the city that never sleeps, to the town that always talks… I’ve been trying to cram as much time as I can in, with friends that I won’t see for a quite a while; hanging out with 2-3 people a day. Sometimes they ‘cancel’ those plans and want to ‘re-schedule.’ You know, I’m not going to waste my time making plans with you and canceling with other people for you to cancel with me. It’s just not going to happen that way anymore. I only have 2 and a half more weeks left here and I’m trying to make the best of it. If you don’t have the time to see someone that you’re most likely not going to see for a very long time, then I’m not that important to you. It’s alright though, people will regret it once I’m gone.

I’ve also been very busy with packing and preparing the house so we can sell it. We still have to paint my room tonight. And in all that time, I’ve still had a little bit of time for myself; going to the mall, tanning, out to eat, or just laying in bed surfing the web. I have been very busy lately and very very, very stressed out with everything. I need all the support I can get right now, and I feel like I’m not getting nearly half of the support I thought I would get from the people I thought would care. So, if you’re going to miss me, then let’s hang out! If you don’t have my number, message me on MySpace for it. Again, 20 more days people! Let’s make this worth while!!

Like You See in the Movies.

Let me start off by saying that life is an amazing thing and you should definitely take it for granted; take it for everything that it’s worth. Take a risk here and there, take the shot, go for opportunities, go for your hopes and dreams, go for that kiss, lay in the mountains and just gaze at the stars, take that day off work, take that time for yourself, make that extra phone call… You get where I’m coming from? There are always ups and downs in life. You can’t control them. That’s the amazing thing about life, is that you never know what is going to come your way or what is going to happen next. It’s exciting, yet frightening. Almost everyone has that moment in their life where they just want to run away and start over. Have a new identity. I know I do. If I could, I would be in that broke down convertible Pontiac Firebird driving down that long road heading towards the mountains and not knowing what is going to be on the other side… The looking at the rearview mirror and thinking, “There goes the past…” I will do that someday. I will. I don’t think that it would be considered running away from your problems. It’s simply just a get away for a little bit to just have that thinking time that you really need. Nothing to worry about in life for a while. Though, sometimes you do just have to run away from your problems and let it all go. No one should ever have a set out plan in life… Just go with it, and let everything roll your way. Just keep looking through that rearview mirror…

The Move… THE MOVE?!

Yeah, that’s right. I may be moving. It’s not a for sure thing yet. I may be moving to either Oregon or Wyoming for my moms job. Am I ready to move? Yes and no. I’m ready for a new start, new beginning, new friends, new job, new school, etc. I’m not ready to leave the people that I love the most here; friends, family, Vegas nightlife, etc. Some things are meant to be, some things are unexplained, others are better left unsaid. But in all reality, I really am ready. I do need to get out of Vegas for a while. All my past and memories are in Vegas… Love, fights, friendships, support, hate… Why not just start over? Star new? Fresh page; new chapter. This is a short blog because I’m not really sure what to write at the moment. But I just want to say that I am ready for this now… 

Not much to me

Before you even continue reading past this sentence, I should give you a fair warning that this blog may be a little too profound for some people; I am very pissed right now. First off, let me just say that what you look like does not reflect who you are at all. I am a tall skinny teen. I hate it, I do. I hate what I look like. I would change my weight in a heartbeat if I could. Listen, I am very self cautious about my weight; does it look like I need your damn criticism  about how skinny I look?! No. I am very well aware of what I look like. I do have a mirror; thanks. I hear this shit 24/7 at school and just trying to live my life; I don’t need to hear it more from you. Let me just say that I am one strong ass mother f&$^er, and that my friend, that is a fact. I am who I am. Like it or not. I’m just sick of the uncalled for criticism. I’m skinny, does that change the person that I truly am though? NO. I don’t need to eat more, I already eat way too much and too unhealthy to eat more. I don’t need protein drinks or whatever, I have enough sugars and shit in my body. What I need is for everyone to stop worrying about how I look, and start focussing more on themselves. I’m just sick of it!

My Mom

My mom requested that I write a blog about her, but I’m not writing this blog because she told me to. I’m writing this blog because she deserves to be written about. Let’s face it, we all have our faults, ups and downs, mistakes, regrets, etc. She has been there and back. She’s been low, she’s been high. She’s seen clear as day, she’s been blind. She’s been happy, she’s been sad. She is such a successful person I can’t even start to explain, but I will try my best. Her ‘life story’ is one to definitely tell. My mother, Michelle King, is simply amazing. Amazing for what she does, how she handles situations, how she manages her time, handles her job and her family, etc. She has been in the same career now for about 17 years and she is very high up on the totem pole. She has made history at her job, and has done something that no one has ever done before in her business corporation; she definitely took a risk. That risk is no longer to be feared because it was a successful risk that she took. One of her dream careers was to be a Private Investigator of some sort, and she even went to school for a while with it. She soon returned to her job once she knew it’s what she loved to do; even if she did hate it at times. You know how everyone says, “a mother always knows.” Well, my mom always knows, and not like other mothers know about their kids. My mom analyzes situations and puts puzzle pieces together and researches. She is very, very smart. Let’s just say, right now, she is going to kick ass! (don’t know if I’m allowed to cuss, but I don’t care. Lol.) I just want her to continue what she is doing, and I want her to know that I have so much respect for her, more than she will truly ever know. I never really used to listen to her, until one day I found something out from her that happened to be all a true statement. From there on out, I take her word for everything… Well, most things because I am just a normal teen where the words go in one out and out the other :)  On a more personal note; Mom, I love you more than you will ever know, and I truly want you to know that you are the one that has raised me the right way, told me life lessons. We have definitely gone through our ups and downs together and wanted to go at each others throats at one point, but we have grown past that and have realized that we love each other so much. You are my huge hero. I have never written about you before, and I think it’s because I was scared to. I don’t know why, but I was. I just always want you to know that I am always here for you. If you don’t have anyone to talk to, to just listen to you. I’m here; I have 2 ears for hearing and 1 mouth for speaking. You’re the best thing in my life, and the one that I try for. I’m so proud of you for what you have accomplished in your life, and how you have handled certain situations. You have been through so much, and I can justify that. I love you mom, forever. Though, “nothing is forever,” so, for the rest of my life. <3 

Hookah, Get on the Real Level

You know what I am really tired of hearing, mostly from teens my age? “Hookah is just dried fruit and it isn’t bad for you.” Hmmm, I do believe hookah is smoke and the smoke is going into your lungs… I don’t know about you, but I think there’s enough common sense out there to know that any kind of smoke going into your lungs is not good at all; correct me if I’m wrong. Also, how is hookah just ‘dried fruit’ when they have other flavors such as Vanilla Coke, Cream Soda, French Vanilla, Honey, Jasmine, Jell-o, Mint Chocolate Chip, Rose, Spearmint Gum, and many others? Also people say that it’s not as bad as smoking cigarettes. First off, just because there is water in the hookah, it does not mean that it ‘cleans’ out the smoke, it simply filters the smoke so it isn’t so harsh on you; it doesn’t take out chemicals. Hookah also contains toxic compounds, and yes, this does include Carbon Monoxide. Studies show that compounds coming through Hookah smoke are at lease, if not higher, than cigarettes. Coals on the Hookah are also a health risk. Along with the addicting nicotine that Hookah provides.   Lets face it, Hookah is advertised more towards the younger crowed these days. Why is that? It’s like that because the ‘younger’ crowd isn’t as educated about Hookah as much as they think. People will swear up and down that there isn’t nicotine nor toxins or any other chemicals in Hookah; that it is simply just dried fruit. Learn the facts people. Get educated about these kinds of things before you actually pursue on doing them. Just a word of advice for ya’ll :)